It all does feel overwhelming sometimes doesn’t it? Sometimes you think ‘how do I even begin to tackle the myriad of issues that I see and want to do something about everyday’?I know I do! What can little me do to even crack a dent in what seems to be the never ending problems that are part of this fallen world that we live in. The easy solution seems to be to just throw in the towel and say ‘ Do you boo'( I think that’s a saying isn’t it?) and just watch out for ‘No 1’ isn’t it? ( again another saying that means watch out for yourself)

But what if I told you that we were not placed on this earth to just ‘do you’ ? Now don’t get me wrong, I like and get ‘doing you’ . It actually saves us a lot of heartache and anguish. It means you can go through the world thinking about yourself and it’s less messy, less complicated & invariably less problematic.

Now don’t get me wrong I absolutely believe in ‘doing you’ . I was raised by a non conformist father who had been ‘doing himself’ before ‘doing you’ became a thing. My mum also though not as non conformist also has the ‘streak’.To put it in context, me and my sister both had big 11th birthday parties and not 10 as most children do. There was no money when we were both 10 and the thinking and rationale was ‘ what rule book says you can only celebrate 10 year old birthday parties’ . When I got married, the ‘ IN’ thing for Nigerian couples at the time was to wear the same as aso oke outfit . Me and my mum decided ”na’ it’s so uncomfortable, it’s such a waste of money as you never wear it again and so me and my husband wore entirely different lace materials at our traditional wedding.

Just so you know how I was determined to wear it again ,I made a top from the lace i wore on my traditional wedding and I am still rocking 11 years after ,I might even wear to church tomorrow .

See pictured below. All my life I have never been one to follow trends so I actually believe in ‘doing you’ And that is being and owning who you are . Daring to be different and not following the crowd. I am getting better at this and love the freedom that comes from this because I believe we are all uniquely created for a PURPOSE. And that my friends is where I come to my point about life not being about just doing ‘US’

My faith is an integral part of who I am and my belief is that being a Christian is not just about being saved and then not just going to hell.Its also about being transformed and being more like Jesus to reflect His glory on earth and also draw men unto Him . Its not a merely transactional relationship where it’s ‘ do ( or even don’t do )and then get’ like some religious folks would want us to believe.

It’s Easter and so I have been reflecting on the life and ministry of Jesus before his death.Throughout his life and ministry everyone who had an encounter with Jesus was either transformed,renewed or comforted (and in some cases all 3).For some it was physical or emotional healing,for some it was insight,for some it was validation,for some knowledge,for some it was admonition,for some it was validation,for some compassion,in short you always left Him with some value added to you. And for some people,they might not have necessarily noticed or understood that value at the very encounter eg Martha who he admonished to worry about the most essential things, but I am sure those insights would have come to play at some points in her later life .He was also about community as can be seen some from the relationship he had with his disciples and so many of his followers. He was Jesus and I am sure could have done well by just being Him and not relating with ‘mere mortals’ but he didn’t. He also deeply cared for those who society might not have necessarily remembered.

That example is who i aspire to be in my own little way. The title of this blog post ‘Little drops’ indicates the ‘how’ I want to go about it.The enormity of being like Jesus as generally being someone who ‘does for others’ can be overwhelming. I mean he literarily sacrificed himself .Thats BIG.. and to be realistic one that we might not be able to do.Which is why I am asking us to start by cutting it into little chunks . I am asking us to just ‘DO IT’ even if it looks small or tiny or inconsequential.

Like Jesus,I want most of the encounters I have with people daily to leave them feeling a little bit better than when I met them. To make my own little corner of the world a bit more bearable for those around me.And to keep doing it consistently. Have you ever had a leak? Sometimes it’s just a tiny drip isn’t it? Just drip,drop,drip,drop. Barely anything initially.Put a bucket beneath it and then that tiny drip drop over a long period and before you know it that bucket is overflowing. And then you have 10 buckets filled to the bream from what was initially just drops.

That’s how I choose to see how we can go through life being that person who wants to be the person who also ‘does’ for others. People often think of giving in material terms only but it transcends that. Even giving someone a compliment is all part of giving some sort of light to someone’s day. Then imagine that drip drop from me,from you,from all of us consistently on a daily basis? We might not erase ALL wrongs but we can erase some little wrongs.And even if we don’t, we can take just be content with having improved the life of another even if just slightly.

So, share that template with your colleague,you just saved them 10-15 mins. Smile at that barista and say thank you when your coffee is ready.Tell your friend about that job opening;like your friends business post on Instagram ( I hear people deliberately withhold likes on social media SMH) or even go one further by commenting and telling them what a good job they are doing, spend a minute praying for your child’s teacher; call your sister and ask how they are; sometimes just listen to someone who wants to get something off their chest; share something you learnt that you think can help others; give (y’all didn’t think I would let you go without asking for some material stuff LOL) £5 consistently to that charity you believe is doing good work it’s better than the £50 that you hope to give but never get round to; encourage that person who asked you for advice to go for it,even if you don’t think their idea might work in that state don’t just dismiss it ask them to look for ways to tweak their plan rather than just totally dismiss it.

I can’t totally exhaust all the little ways we can be that person but I am sure we all can try in our own little way.

I am aspiring daily to be that person in so many little ways and this season further reminds me of the need. We all can give our lil drops…

Please do share your comments and I would love to hear what other lil ways we can improve the world we live in . Please also share with others the random musings of Oyindamola

Thank you for reading and have a lovely Easter holiday

Oyindamola

Photo credits : Pinterest and Oyindamola iPhone gallery

My daughter is 9 and is at that age where her friendships fiercely matter to her.Oh my gosh the drama ( I act interested but in my mind I am slightly amused as i know it really is not that serious) .I am also trying to make her see in an age appropriate way that friendship and female friendships especially don’t have to be drama filled relationships. I totally reject the stereotype that women can’t have fulfilling and empowering friendships .Anyone who knows me knows that I am a firm believer and advocate of female friendships. Sorry I am not one of those people who thinks your husband can take the place of ALL your friends.I also don’t think you should take the place of all his friends either. Of course your spouse should be your friend BUT there is a certain relatability that comes from friendship of the same gender that you might not necessarily get with your spouse..And before I am misunderstood (I have had this conversation with people who say ‘ my only friends are my children & my husband’ ) it is my opinion that no one human being should be any other human being’s ALL in ALL. It’s just too much of a burden to place on one person (again my opinion).

Now I get that friendship can sometimes be tricky but despite that I still think it is something worth giving a shot. I tend to think something is ‘off’ about people who go on and on about ‘ there being no ‘real friendships’ ‘frenemies’ ‘ female friendships are fake ‘ etc etc Even the bible says He who desires friends must also make himself friendly.

So let’s get back to my daughter and her friendships, she currently has about 5 or 6 BFF’s. Yup 5 or 6. Very friendly child my daughter and to be honest I see a lot of me in her at that age. My mum used to call me ‘the friend child’. Till date, i still find it soo easy to make friends,.Just to demonstrate how easily I make friends,I have a contact on my phone called ‘Kemi Train Friend’. Yup, I don’t know her surname but you won’t believe some of the deep conversations that we used to have.We used to get the same 8.17am train, and just used to smile at each other.(I kinda guessed she was Nigerian again I don’t go out of my way to avoid Nigerians like I have been advised to by some but gist for another day ).One week , I realised I had not seen her for a while and then I saw her the next Monday, I walked up to her and asked if she was ok.Voila we started talking,realised we worked in the same sector and she became my friend sharing all sorts on our 20 min journey We both changed jobs so we don’t get the same train anymore but we still say hello once in a while .Is it friends that i have made on Facebook or Instagram ? Or the ones I make on flights ,in training,elevator in short everywhere .People thought me and my NYSC(national youth service corp) ‘bunk mate ‘ had known each other for years after just 3 weeks in orientation camp. I can make friends very easily but keeping and being in touch is another story entirely. We might as well call some of them ‘connections’ or ‘acquittances’. That said though, I have also made lifelong friendships in the oddest of places.

So like me,my daughter makes friends easily. But apart from being at an age where peers matter.she is also such a ‘friend & bff child’ like my mother called me .And she loves her BFFs so very dearly as even my wallet can testify. She makes me buy matching souvenirs for her BFFs if we go on holiday sometimes even sacrificing stuff for herself .And at her age and even much much later I also had BFFs(best friends forever) who I actually thought we would be soo close for FOREVER. After all we saw each other everyday at school,uni,work,home or wherever was the common denominator for our friendship

But as I have grown older I have to come to realise that is not always the case. Despite my earlier grand talk and firm belief in female friendships, I look inwardly now and I don’t think I have a bestie.Yes(face palm )I don’t have a bestie or BFF. Before all my friends crucify me( I love you all )let me explain what I mean.

Every time I scroll through social media, I see tributes to besties.I see friends who more or less practically do most things together.Wear the same clothes some children’s even call the other’ 2nd mummy’. They are in each other’s business and it’s obvious they talk ALL the time. Not just on social media but I know real life friendships and besties whose lives are so intertwined.

Now before I come across as those friendless people I spoke about it in earlier paragraphs, I actually think this is so cool and the reason why I don’t have this depth or type of friendship is all ME. Its all my fault. I am trying to be better but I fall short of the level of selflessness that I see in these friendships.

Most people automatically assume that I am an extrovert. And I agree to a certain extent but I think as I grow older I am an extrovert who enjoys her own company.Thinking about it in hindsight, it’s probably always been more so but more pronounced now when I don’t feel the need to be please people at my own detriment anymore.I remember going to children’s parties with a novel in hand just in case . But I would still dance and end up winning the dancing competition. My mum would say ‘why are you taking a book to a party?’ but it was always something I had as a back up that I could retreat into.

So yes ,I am that flaky friend who would say yes to going a party with you and then dread it the Friday before( and most likely cancel).I hide in my room from my own 2 children sometimes so the thought of being a second mummy to an extra 3 or 4 children terrifies me (oops I just admitted that) . Maybe if I had a live in nanny .I need like 3 weeks to mentally prepare for ‘second mummy’ duties on my own and I really really envy women who can handle loads of children at once. I don’t text back on time. I don’t pick up my phone when you want to gist cos I have put it on airplane mode cos I don’t want to talk to anyone ( giving too much away now LOL) .I don’t like cooking and so those days when you just had a baby or moved house that I should be bringing you pepper-soup or bowls of jollof rice in solidarity as a good bestie ;Me = useless. May I also add I HATE SHOPPING, so you can’t even send me on an errand to get you those shoes for your naming ceremony. I could if you won’t mind me ordering them online. I also don’t do well just popping in to your house. I feel very uncomfortable intruding on people and would rather just read a book or watch tv than talk on some evenings. I even have a time out from my husband and children sometimes where I just want to be on my own.

Ok so now that I have gotten out why I am not the best ‘girly’ bestie around,let me share the ways that i can be a good friend even if not I am the best ‘BFF’. I am a woman’s woman and I love anyone I call my friend.Not to be cliche and all but I am so happy to see my friends do well. If you start a business, I will go out of my way to support you even if it’s not something that I really need. I will do anything within my sphere of influence to help you make that dream come true. I see my friends successes as a sign that it’s possible and will brag about it cos I love seeing people like me portray excellence. I won’t give you drama and won’t mind if you don’t call me back until a week later cos I totally understand( or I am just making excuses for myself as I do the same LOL). I will also try my utmost to be the encourager who wants to see you joyful,happy and fulfilled. I will see in you what you might not even see in yourself. I will pray for you even if I don’t tell you that I do and even if we don’t see often. I will be the listening ear & sounding board if that is what you require

Like I said earlier,I love female friendships and I do sincerely think that my life has been enriched by the good friends that God has blessed me with. So even though I am not ‘bestie’ material do know that if I call you my friend, I love and cherish our friendship. I can’t think of any of my ‘old’ BFFs who I have actually fallen out with. We might drift apart due to life and responsibilities but if you were once a ‘BFF’ you have definitely been a thread in the weaving of Oyindamola’s life .So even if we don’t speak or see for ages,know that I love you and wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart.

So please do share in comments if you still have a BFF or shout out to your BFF’s of old. Pls don’t make me feel like the only weirdo in this world without a BFF LOL.

Please also do share with your friends.

Thank you for reading and have a lovely (short) working week & Easter weekend everyone

Oyindamola

Photo credit – Pinterest

If you are reading this you probably know my name is Oyindamola.You have also probably read a lot of my random musings on my Instagram page. After such a long time procrastinating (recovering procrastinator here) I have finally decided to go a step further by collecting all those random musings in a blog. And so here goes my 1st blog post. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and also a shout out to all those people who encouraged me to give it a try- Thank you!!

So back to Balance – what comes to mind when you hear the word? Cartwheels, yoga poses( downward dog anyone ) work/ life, mindfulness,crystal etc .It is such a ‘new age’ word isn’t it?

Reminds you of chai lattes,quinoa,kale chips and all the ‘yuppie’ stuff that millennials just seem to love.By the way I recently found out that I am a millennial even though I feel too old to be classed as one,being able to vividly remember using cassettes,walkmans and all that. How can I be a millennial?? But let’s not digress, that’s a topic for another day.

The most appropriate contextual meaning of the word ‘Balance’ that I was able to find is ‘ a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions’.

This balance is what I have pondering on for a while now. This is the balance we are all seeking as we go about this thing called life.

The different elements that make up who we are ,what we do and how we do them ; and how we are all just striving to have them all lined up in the correct proportions. It all comes down to proportionality doesn’t it.

I know how much I agonise about how I am damaging my children when I give them their iPads so I can catch a break and just simply catch up on my reading.They are quiet they are not asking me questions and most importantly they are not bickering!

Or when I take them to McDonald’s cos I just can’t be bothered to make lunch or dinner( I did that yesterday). On the face value those are things that could count against me on the scale as being a ‘bad mother’.

If I am honest I KNOW those things are short cuts and should definitely not be on ‘default’ parenting settings. However, this is where proportionality comes into play. McDonald’s is a treat for my children and prior to yesterday they have had McDonalds only twice this year. They are also not allowed iPads during the school week and for just 2 hours over the weekend. Now this is not to pat myself on the back as ‘parent of the year’(cos let’s just keep my other shortcuts away for now) it’s just to illustrate why balance is such an essential grace that we need to extend to ourselves and others.

The ‘others’ point is one that I would like to dwell on a bit.It’s quite easy to extend the grace of balance to ourselves but very hard sometimes to extend it to others.

How many times have you automatically judged someone else with a spot on assessment of what you can currently see? I know I have! While in McDonalds I have seen a bigger person and thought ‘should you really be in here’ ??

I have seen a mum give a toddler sweets and cringed! I have watched a colleague add 8 satchets of sugar to their tea or coffee & stood there shaking my head in horror.

Now all those examples are things that should rightfully elicit some sort of concern. But in following the correct proportionality,how often are these incidents occurring for me to make rash judgements on that person by just what I am seeing in front of me right now?

The balance we are all seeking for means that sometimes the pendulum swings to the extreme. One day you are going hard in the gym,the other day you are slouching in your pyjamas watching Netflix all day.

The pendulum should rightly be swung in the ‘good’ extremes most of the time to have a healthy,fulfilled and productive life. But to have joy, it sometimes goes the other way. You can’t operate optimally at ALL times even computers have to go into rest and sleep mode sometimes.

This is why I am not the greatest fan of the ‘All or nothing’ approach to most things in life.Yes, sometimes you have to give it your ALL in certain areas to gain tangible results. But it is simply not sustainable to keep that pace up for ALL THINGS at ALL TIMES.

I believe firmly that a person can have it all but not all at the same time. One thing has to give and balance is a grace that you can give yourself and like I said earlier also others.

You can’t expect your staff member who just had a baby to be at the same optimal best as when they were a graduate trainee.

Your child who is studying hard for A levels might not have the tidiest bedroom( I said tidiest not tidy).

Your spouse who is going through a very tough time at work might not be the most attentive during this time.

That lady who looks a bit disheveled at the school gate might have had a very rough night.

One of my favourite gospel stories is the story of the adulterous woman who was about to be stoned and how Jesus dealt with the situation. Jesus’s question of ‘ He is who without sin cast the first stone’ is one that we would do well to ask ourselves from time to time.

In my advocacy for balance, I am asking us to strike a balance in extending & demanding accountability with empathy, discipline with love,encouragement without condescension.

It is very tricky but one that we are all capable of if we only we can give it some thought. Try to give the benefit of the doubt, extend a deeper thought to the ‘why’ rather than the ‘what’ . Balance the doubt with faith.Now I am just going overboard with the cliche’s, don’t mind me but I guess you get my drift.

I know it is human nature to make snap judgements. That’s how we have evolved as a specie. However the proportion of what a person does regularly makes up the sum total of who they are. Unfortunately except you are privy to a person up close and personal it is nearly impossible to make an informed judgement call on the face value of what you are seeing right now.

So pause,remember the grace of balance you extend yourself when you are about to write off that person as ‘lazy’ or ‘fat’ or ‘stupid’ and all the the other snap judgement calls we make every day.

Thank you so much for reading and hope you come back to read more of my random ramblings.

Lots of love Oyindamola