The quote above is called the Golden rule. Its one that reminds us to think of the impact of our actions on those around us.It sounds like such an easy concept and one that most of us will agree with in principle… But in action? Well that’s a different story!

Being respectful of other people‘s time is one of the ways we impact those around us. Just think back to an incident when someone was not respectful of your time. How did you feel? Now try to replicate that feeling when you are tempted to be tardy when meeting up your friend for brunch(when we are able to do that again).

Have you ever felt annoyed when someone refused to wait for their turn on a line? Well think about that feeling when you CAN use your position or privilege to your advantage that might have a detrimental impact on others.

I also know societal or common good issues are never just black and white. This post is not an attempt to evoke guilt about privilege. It is a call to reflect on how individual actions can impact those around us. How can we begin to think a bit more collectively rather than what would work to our advantage?

It is very easy to apply the golden rule when it comes at no personal cost. Choosing not to park in the empty parents bay might come at a cost of circling the car park for minutes that you don’t have to spare. That cost to you though might mean that a stressed out young father who has not slept well in days gets a parking spot.I know the car park issue seems mundane. But it is an intentional example. This is because the golden rule is not thought of in those little things that we do in our day to day lives.

We often think of the golden rule in broader terms like I am kind to others.

But how does that truly play out in action?Other times we excuse our actions with looking out for number one. And I get that! It is human nature to look out for one‘s self.

There is often a great deal of difference between the will of all and the general will.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau

The quote above highlights that individuals will always have selfish interests. What is clear though is that some of these interests will often conflict with the interests of others.

The golden rule in true action means that sometimes we might have to sacrifice some of those interests for the common good.

The golden rule talks about our needs but also highlights the ability to see past our needs. It has to be learnt behaviour to reflect on what it would mean to be the recipient of our actions.

What if I was the cleaner clearing up the waste I just dumped next to the trash can?

What if I was the neighbour trying to sleep after a long night shift with my music blaring too loudly?

What if I was the person who can only shop weekly but cannot get 1 pack of toilet roll because I just bought 10?

As we go into the week, my urge is that we take some time to pause and reflect outside of ourselves.. The world would be a marginally better place if everyone who reads this does. Thank you so much for reading and have a lovely week ahead.

Much love

Oyindamola

The biggest barrier to reading for most people is finding the time. I am going to be very mindful with my words here to acknowledge that it is a valid reason for a lot of people and not an excuse.

One of my objectives and goals is to take the guilt out of reading.There are already so many things that people feel ‘guilty’ about not doing /doing and I think reading shouldn’t be one of them.The 5 tips below can help you cultivate the habit if time is a scarce resource or commodity.

Read shorter books– This one seems pretty obvious but is one that most people neglect. If fiction is your thing go for short stories,novellas etc If you are the non-fiction type, go for smaller abridged versions(100 pages or less) of areas of interest.

Repurpose ‘waiting’ times– Doctors appointment,waiting in line at the post office,waiting at the hair dresser/mechanic etc. Use those times to get a few pages in. Every little counts

Read in short time bursts – Its very easy to set a goal of ‘Read for an hour everyday’ but we all know that it might be difficult to get an hour in with all of the things competing for our attention. So set shorter time goals e.g. 10 mins in the morning,10 mins at lunch,10 mins at bedtime. Do what works for your current season.

‘Read’ an audiobook– This is pretty self explanatory. This is time saving in the sense that you can do it while doing other things like walking,cooking,cleaning etc .This is classic habit stacking. I have a series on my YouTube channel and Instagram TV on the book ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear where I go into this concept a bit more.Click on link to watch Atomic Habits Series

Read summaries– Yes I know this is sort of ‘cheating’! But guess what? There are millions of books in the world and it is unrealistic to expect that we can read them all. If reading is about learning for you sometimes all you need are the key learning points from a book. This can then set you on the path to wanting to know more. There are loads of apps like Blinkist, Instaread etc which are good tools to utilise. There are also loads of blogs/websites and book reviews(including some of mine). This is time saving as you get the essence or lessons without having to spend the hours reading the book itself.

My book loving self would always prefer that you read the book but I am willing to concede that time is such a scarce and valuable resource that we need to adapt and flex as we see fit. I hope you found these tips useful. If you did please do share with others who might also find useful.

Here’s wishing you a lovely Tuesday and week ahead!

Much love,

Oyindamola

So it’s the last two days of a year that has had every sort of adjective attributed to it … I guess everyone’s descriptor for 2020 will vary especially as our experiences of it are not the same but I am sure we can all agree that it’s a year that we will not forget in a hurry.

I remember writing Read more in 2020 around this time last year. At the time I was completely oblivious to what 2020 was going to turn out to be. Like a lot of my other blog posts, it was me basically writing out loud my thoughts and sharing it with others.

I reflected on my reading journey in 2019 and what had worked for me. I shared those tips as I knew that a lot of people (similar to myself in the recent past) often had the goal of ‘read more’ as they approached a new year. If you do click on and read that blog post, I still believe that all of the tips I shared are still relevant and would put you in good stead to cultivate and maintain an effective reading habit moving forward.

So as we approach the dawn of another year, I am once again reflecting on my reading journey this year and thought to share my highlights and lessons I have learned.

Despite initial struggles at the beginning of the pandemic, I was able to keep up a consistent reading momentum. Yes there were peaks and troughs,but reading was one of the ways I was able to entertain,educate and enlighten myself through the quarantine periods and even when things loosened up a bit in the summer.

Reading was also the activity that made me tap into the more introverted side of myself. It was a part of myself that really shocked me because I thought that I would get cabin fever after all of the time that we spent at home. I realised that I did not resent staying home as much as thought I would. In fact with a good book and good food I actually found that I ENJOYED it.

So yes, I did miss certain elements of human interaction but no, I actually did not (and still haven’t) gotten fed up of being stuck at home. I guess we evolve because even my husband who is more the home body has been shocked at how I eventually adapted to staying at home.I do believe having a steady supply of books(Amazon can attest to this) contributed to this.

In total I read 42 books and finished 41. And like my tastes,passions,interests they were an eclectic mix. From non-fiction books on writing,to prayer,to habits,to change to productivity to finance etc And fictional titles ranging from mechanics to serial killers, it surely was a varied mix.

Other noteworthy reading news from me in 2020 was me hosting two Bookclubs. I had always wanted to host or build a sort of community around reading and had started and stopped a number of times. 2020 gave me the opportunity to not just do this but twice!!

I started hosting the Chapters bookclub in the Super Abundant Woman (SAW) community in January. I can’t even begin to describe what a privilege it was to host and read with such an amazing set of women. Being the host,meant that I had to challenge myself to read all of the books and prepare the structure of our sessions where we met to discuss the learnings and takeaways from the books. These sessions proved me to me that we all read and process information differently. It was also an avenue for me to learn and glean insights that i might have missed while reading. It really is an amazing community and was one of my highlights of 2020.

In June, after a lot of persuasion from people who had followed some of the content I shared on social media,I also started the BookMark bookclub. This bookclub was open to people who might not be members of the SAW community and wanted an opportunity to rekindle or cultivate a reading habit.Like I shared in my previous blogs,it is my hope that adult women especially those of African descent begin to view reading as an activity that they can enjoy. It was always a relaxed fun atmosphere when we met on Zoom(like everyone else LOL).We read six fiction titles in total.

You would think fiction =stories =no learning? WRONG! The amount of lessons I learnt from all of the women in the bookclub over those six sessions on empathy,kindness, love,parenting were absolutely phenomenal. The sense of camaraderie is second to none and I feel a sense of gratitude that I have been able to bring together a great group of women around a shared love of reading.

This blog is getting far longer than I intended it to and I haven’t even touched on the book review videos, podcast appearance,book interviews and a host of other reading/book related things that I also got the opportunity to do this year. I even had the opportunity to proof text and edit a book that was published in December 2020. So yes,2020 was not all roses in some other areas of life but it surely was a fulfilling one for me on the reading and impacting others to read front.

All of the above said though, I am always one to review,reflect and respond. And as great as 2020 was on the reading front both for me and the reading communities that I serve,I know there is always room for improvement.

My reading focus for 2021 will be much more immersive.I might read less books than I did in 2020 and believe me that will be tough as I am always stumbling on books I want to read. My Want to read Bookshelf on Goodreads currently has 462 books and I keep stumbling on new books every single day.

That said though, I am going to be a bit more intentional about my reading choices.They will become more concentrated and focused around areas I want to grow and improve in. This doesn’t mean that I won’t read for entertainment(as most of my fiction reads tend to be) but it means that 2021 would be far less about quantity but more about reading for growth.

It has also meant-reconsidering the quantity of books that we will be consuming in both Chapters and BookMark book clubs.

We might be reading LESS but we will be reading BETTER. There are also loads of ideas that are forming on the content and ways I can serve people to become better readers(and learners).

I am really grateful for the gift of creativity deposited by God in all of the authors I read in 2020. I am also grateful for all those who have allowed me to be part of their reading journey in 2020. As a result of all this I am really looking forward to my reading journey in 2021 and beyond! I really do hope that you will come along with me.

As usual thank you so much for reading and wish you a healthy,happy and peaceful 2021

Much love

Oyindamola

I am back! It was so heartwarming reading all of the responses to the first post.I was incredibly humbled by how much it resonated with so many people. Sharing personal stories can be quite daunting but I am glad that I shared mine as so many people were able to relate to it .

Thank you to everyone who sent me personal messages.I must admit that the ‘I can’t wait for the part 2’ responses were what pushed my procrastinating self to start typing this.There is no greater accountability than not wanting to keep people hanging.

After my NYSC ,I started job hunting and eventually got my first graduate role. The realities of being an adult kicked in. Monday to Friday I would be mostly occupied with work and combating the manic Lagos traffic (anyone who lives or has ever lived in Lagos,Nigeria knows what I am talking about). The weekends were filled with a very full and active Lagos social life. From weddings, to funerals,to birthdays, to baby & bridal showers, lagosians sure do know how to party. At this point,I was still reading but remarkably less than I used to in my childhood and teen years. This era was also the beginning of social media(anyone remember My Space?)

It was also an era when the glossy magazine industry was at its peak in Nigeria.Magazines like Genevieve,TW,This Day style etc hit the news stands. I started buying a lot of these magazines and gradually found myself reading more magazines than books. I still read books but very minimally.

A couple of years passed and in this time, I got married and relocated to the UK. This was another adjustment phase.New country,routines,habits and culture. This phase though saw me having a bit more time on my hands at the weekend as I really didn’t know a lot of people.We lived in my sister in law’s old flat and I remember my joy at discovering her stash of books. This stash kept me busy and briefly rekindled my love for books. I discovered the joy of cuddling up and reading under a duvet in the winter.I also had a rather long commute to work and this time was converted into reading time.

My reading life was on a steady pace until the next major phase; I became a mum!Nothing truly prepares you for the change that accompanies a tiny screaming cute human dependent on you for everything.This event started my slow but steady descent back off the reading wagon. I went back to work after my first maternity leave and maybe read 1 or 2 books sporadically within that one year period.At this point Eastenders and Facebook had also become my escapist friends. Add in a dash of the fact that we could now get television series in box sets. After long days and finally getting the children into the bed,reading just didn’t seem like an easy or fun way to unwind.

If I wasn’t adulting i.e. being a mum & working,most of my downtime was mostly spent staring at a screen. I had my second baby and this cycle continued. I went through a spell of about 5 years where I couldn’t find it in me to start and finish a book. My husband even bought me a kindle at some point which eventually got consigned to the kitchen drawer purgatory that most unwanted items find themselves in.

Deep down in me though, I knew that I was missing an essential part of who I was.

Year after year I would write ‘start reading again’ on my new year goals list (i don’t do new year resolutions anymore by the way).

I also knew that that my creative side was dormant as the only time I got any mental stimulation was at work. The interesting thing was that through all of this,I was reading to and with my children almost every night.

It was very important to me that they were exposed to reading and books from a very young age. I would sit with them and we would journey through The Gruffalo and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. It was an important part of our bedtime routine and it was a part of my day that I really looked forward to.

I knew that I really wanted to go back to reading but I sincerely thought that it wasn’t possible with the life that I currently had. These thoughts lead me to question a lot of other things.I realised that I had gradually began to let go of activities that were central to the core of who I was and everything I did outside of work centred around being a mum.Reading had always been the avenue through which I opened my mind to countless possibilities out there in the world .

I knew that if wanted to grow in other other area and be a good role model to my children, I had to start reading again.The following things helped me go from barely reading one book in 5 years to almost 36 so far this year.

1. In 2016, I stopped writing down ‘Read more this year’. I changed it to ‘Read and finish one book every quarter’. It’s a very simple principle that applies to any other habit or goal you want to achieve. It has to be specific. I also need to caveat here that the number does not really even matter. For some people it might be ‘read and finish one book this year’ or ‘read 1 page a week’. It just has to be specific,measurable,attainable,realistic and time bound (I know SMART just had to make in it there😀).

2.One day I stumbled on a group in Facebook who were reading a book together and decided to join them. You would have someone come to present a chapter and we would all discuss it. Essentially it was a book club. Joining them spurred me on to start and finish the book so I could contribute to the discussions. And I have joined and been a part of some sort of book club ever since then. I even now host and co-ordinate two. So you want to keep up the reading habit,join a book club. You can reach out to me if you want to join one of the ones I host .This quote by James Clear in Atomic Habits explains it a bit better;”Remaining part of a group after achieving a goal is crucial to maintaining your habits. It’s friendship and community that embed a new identity and help behaviors last over the long run.”

3. I started viewing reading as a pleasurable activity and not a chore. I remembered what made me enjoy reading as a child and it was getting into stories. I love stories and words and i realised that in my head I had made ‘adult reading’ into this ‘serious’ thing that only helped my growth. I am a bit of a personal development junkie if I do say so myself so I thought I always had to be reading ‘serious’ books. I soon realised that reading had to be more than a way for me to ‘get better’. So I started reading fiction again. Reading fiction meant that a story could grip my attention for longer periods. This meant I could actually look forward to reading the same way I could look forward to watching a movie or TV series. The way I see this is that if you read what you love,you will eventually love to read. Don’t be confined to peoples expectations of what you ‘should’ be reading.

4. I made reading a part of my schedule. There are so many things that we would love to do but it just appears that we do not have the time. So what did i need to do? I made the time. Let’s face it, except one is retired (and even some retired people have a lot going on),life is always going to be busy. And I fully appreciate that seasons of life are different. But if it was something I needed to do, it had to make time for it. And that might mean other things had to go.For me it meant some of my evening TV time,some of my Sunday nap time etc. I also got in some reading on my commute into work. For some others it could be listening to audiobooks while driving to work, listening while running etc. If it’s important to you it has to get a slot on the schedule.

These are just a few of the things that helped me get back on the reading wagon. I also wrote a blog post back in 2019 titled Read more in 2020. That article also lists really easy tips to start reading more.I will be adding sharing the link on my social media platforms.

I do hope my story encourages someone who really wants to start or get back into reading again. It is possible and believe me when I say it is one of the most rewarding habits you can ever cultivate.

As usual thank you so much for reading and looking forward to hearing all of your plans for reading more in 2021. Compliments of the season and wish you a lovely week ahead.

Much love,

Oyindamola

Hello and hope you are well and keeping safe in these last days of 2020.

One question I get asked quite often is what sparked my love for books and reading.

I decided that I might as well share the story in a blog post.

I will be sharing how my love for reading started,how I lost it for quite a while and how I gradually got my reading mojo back. It is quite lengthy so I will be splitting in two parts.

I grew up around books. Both my parents were voracious readers. At a time when most homes had various decorative items in their living room cabinets(its was the 80’s when minimalism wasn’t a thing) ours was filled with Encyclopaedia Brittanica.

My dad was a mixed bag of ideological ideas and beliefs spanning being very progressive on some issues and very conservative on others. I believe this was largely due to how broadly he read.My mum often joked that she should have known my Dad was always going to be non-conformist. This was because in University he spent all of his bursaries and stipends on book volumes when everyone else was buying record players.

Some of my fondest memories of primary school involved going to the school library to check out Ladybird & Enid Blyton books.

By the time I was 9, I had read almost every book that Enid Blyton had ever written.Growing up in Nigeria in the 1980/1990’s was a time of scarce disposable incomes so taking vacations abroad was not something readily available to the average middle class family .

Despite this,I had travelled the world through the books and stories that I constantly had my head buried in.My mum also travelled a lot due to nature of her job/business and my souvenir of choice from her trips was always books.This appetite for books and reading was evident in how I interacted with the world both socially and academically. Academically my vocabulary and verbal aptitude developed quite rapidly.

Socially,I was that child who went to parties with a book .I would play with the other children and even won quite a lot of dancing competitions along the way. But if the opportunity presented itself,I would sneak off to read my book. I can now see how even then my personality was such a contradiction. Most people think of children who love burying their heads in books as children content being by themselves. Not me though! I loved talking,dancing,meeting people but was also content being by myself as long as I had a book in hand.

Due to my talkative nature and love of reading,the clear career path as in most Nigerian families was the Law.Being a book lover meant that I could cope with the big volumes that are invariably part of studying law. I could also argue my point well in any debate and was also really good in the humanities.I also had a dad who continually impressed on me on that I could reach the heights of any career I chose. He used to tell me that he saw a SAN in me (Senior Advocate of Nigeria similar to a QC in the UK). Oyinda the SAN was due to be unleashed to the world.

However,Oyinda wrote her SSCE exams (GCSE equivalent) and did not get the required grade in Maths required to study Law in university. I was really unhappy and it was agreed that I would resit my maths papers and take the university entrance exams (JAMB) again. That said,my grades were sufficient to get a place to study English. I took the place but always saw it as a stop gap till I got to study what I always thought was my true career path,Law.

In my first year of university, I got introduced to an even wider range of literary genres and thematic thrusts. I got exposed to literary greats from Shakespeare to Wole Soyinka, John Keats, Nawal El Sadaawi, Lorraine Hansberry, Toni Morrison and so many others.This exposure further deepened my love for stories and words. I also got the privilege to be part of a theatre production that was premiered at the Muson Centre,one of the premier arts venues in Lagos,Nigeria.I remember how accomplished I felt being part of something that brought a story to life.

In the midst of university life, I still found the time to resit my exams and this time I got the required grades and was able to gain admission to the University of Ibadan to study law. At this point I was in my second year of my degree in English and it meant I would have to start all over again on the 5 year law degree program.

Now I am not sure what had really changed but by this time I had began to have second thoughts about whether or not I truly loved the law.Had I fallen in love with idea of what it meant to be a lawyer(thank you Matlock and Ally Mcbeall)? After all it had been what I had been told I would be all my life.

I discussed my second thoughts with my mum. We tried to weigh the pros and cons but decided to proceed with my dad ringing the bell for Law being a more ‘professional’ course.So I started my registration for the law course.During one of our visits to Ibadan I had a heart to heart discussion with my mums friend who was also a lawyer.

That discussion and a couple of other things finally made me change my mind and I decided to carry on with my degree in English.

As you can guess my dad was not too thrilled with this decision. That said my dad believed a lot in personal responsibility and he finally agreed that I was the best person to make this decision as invariably I would be the one to bear the consequences.

I must admit I still wonder if I made the right decision. What if I had just gone on to my law course? How different would my life be right now if I had become a lawyer?

I guess that’s what life is about. The sum total of our present is a result of decisions made in the past and the future is a sum total of the decisions we are making now.

I look back now and try not to wallow in regrets. Like I said earlier I am really thankful for the breadth and length of stories,ideas and writing that I got exposed to as a result of the academic work that I had to undertake as part of my degree. And who knows,the law might still be in my future.I now know that the path of life is not necessarily linear.

Studying English introduced me to a diversity of thought that extensive reading exposes you to.I remember writing my dissertation on Feminism in Islam and how passionate and excited I felt about researching the topic and the contradictions of the two ideologies. Reading and walking through stories really opens up the mind to different perspectives.

Malorie Blackman says that “Reading is an exercise in empathy; an exercise in walking in someone else’s shoes for a while.” and i totally agree. Reading stories allows you to view life through another person’s lenses.The irony that this what my blog is named is not lost on me.

The quote below by Scott Fitzgerald is another one that totally captures why I love literature and in turn reading books

“ That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”

I believe my love for words and stories was cemented in that phase of my life .Or so I thought! I soon left university and adulting realities kicked in. This took me through a phase when I didn’t read or finish a book in 5 years.

In part 2 ,I will be sharing how I lost and found my reading mojo and how you can too.

Thank you so much for reading.

Much love

Oyindamola