It’s been a minute & I am sorry. That’s an odd way to start a blog post isn’t it ? Well the reason I am apologising is because I know that all of my reasons for not writing have been excuses. They are excuses because I have had reflections I could write about but haven’t due to overthinking.

And so I have decided to just write what I have been pondering which is really the reason I started blogging the first place. Don’t we just love to overcomplicate simple things!

I have been pondering in the last couple of weeks about what it means to have personal integrity. Integrity and credibility are very important factors in leadership. Leadership here also refers to leading one’s self. Integrity is also very closely linked to trust and people find it very hard to trust people who they perceive as not having integrity.

Integrity is shaped by values and beliefs but is measured by behaviour.Belief drives behaviour & people’s observation of behaviour is used to evaluate the beliefs that we proclaim.

I believe integrity acts as an internal compass.It begins with me and starts with me keeping my word to myself. It’s having my words,actions and behaviours lining up with my values.

What are those internal drivers that are motivating me to take action and are they aligning with my beliefs,values and convictions?

Is my behaviour regardless of others in alignment with the person I want to become?

Do I keep my word to myself and in turn to others? I am a person of faith but do my actions reflect that faith?

Even scriptures tells us that faith without works is dead.

Personal integrity is so hard and is an internal refining that must be done within one’s self. It is a virtue we often seek out in others but is one that we need to constantly evaluate in ourselves.

So as we go into the last quarter of 2020 which has been a very special year, I will continue to to ponder and reflect on the choices and decisions I make daily. Are my daily actions truly reflective of the values that I profess?

I am proudly Nigerian and so I can’t end this post without acknowledging that today is the 1st of October. 60 years ago today,Nigeria gained independence from Britain. I know there a lot of things that we can say about Nigeria as a nation but I choose today to hope and pray for who and what I think Nigeria can be. A nation is it’s people & people of integrity and purpose are key to defining a better future.

Happy 60th Indepedence day Nigeria and God bless you.

Thank you so much for reading and wishing you a blessed peaceful October and last 3 months of 2020.

Oyindamola

We live in the age of knowledge.And learning is king in the knowledge age. If you don’t believe me,just cast your minds eye back to the number of webinars,seminars or e-learning courses you have come across in the last 6 months. If you know me,you would know that I describe myself as a life long learner. I love learning but even I have had to put in some boundaries around the whole online seminar thing because believe me zoom fatigue is real!

I find though that the other piece that is often overlooked in the knowledge maze is the art of unlearning.Unlearning as defined by the Cambridge dictionary is to make an effort to forget your usual of doing something so that you can learn a new and sometimes better way

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.

Alvin Toffler, futurist and philosopher

The art of unlearning entails getting rid of bad habits, self limiting beliefs, baseless preconceptions or myths/tales that have been peddled for so long,they have become ‘facts’. We all have some of these ‘facts’ that we need to unlearn . I will share below a few things that I have had to unlearn in the last couple of years.

“Big bones” are why I am overweight ; Now there is such a thing as being ‘big boned’. But it’s not what a lot of us think when we use the term. According to studies by medical experts,large bones do exist & some people with larger bones are slightly larger for their heights. That said “heavy” bones do not exist.A lot of times being overweight or obese is not down to the weight of the bones. This is a really good article on the ‘big boned myth’.

From a young age , i tended to be the ‘heavier’ one in my friend group. So that ‘big boned’ myth came to play quite early on in my life .Maybe as a child it was great so as not to shatter my self esteem. But as I grew older it was one it was one I pulled out of my armoury to console myself even when it was obvious that i was eating too much & not moving enough.It was the reason why I couldn’t shift the ‘baby weight’. “I am not made to be slim” was something I firmly held on to.

Now don’t get me wrong I am still not what you would consider a ‘slim’ person. But that should have never been the focus. The moment I got a nudge to do something about being overweight from a medical proffessional ,I had to change my mindset.

I began to unlearn that being overweight was just about being slim but about me taking charge of what I ate,moving more & making healthier choices.I began to look at things that I could do differently and alas it was possible for me not to be overweight.

I know body weight is a very emotive issue for a lot of people and I wholeheartedly agree that losing weight is not the end all and be all of life. That said what are those self limiting beliefs or ‘facts’ that are stopping you from even trying to get healthier. And it’s not just about being slimmer. It could be about not panting after climbing the stairs,or even improving blood sugar.Whatever is the driver for you,you might need to unlearn some of those ‘facts’ or ‘beliefs’ that you are currently holding onto.

Black people don’t need sunscreen; My son was going on a school trip to the beach. The list from school included a hat & sunscreen. I laughed at the list & said “since when did black people need sunscreen?’ This was something I truly believed because I thought our higher melanin levels was sufficient protection from the sun .

It’s something that we have peddled for so long & now believe is a fact .People of darker skin tones do also need protection from the harmful Ultra violet rays that can be gotten from being in the sun for too long This article does a fantastic job of explaining why black people also need to wear sunscreen .

Darker skin not needing sun protection is a belief that I have had to unlearn.Wearing sunscreen is now part of me and my children’s skin care routineThis is a list of sun screen products for darker skin by my favourite skin care blogger . She is also a medical doctor and looks at skincare holistically.

Artists are the only creatives; For a very long time i believed that only artists could be creative. And so I never allowed myself to think that I could be creative. I thought you had to do stuff your with your hands to be called a ‘creative’.It’s a belief that took me a very long time to unlearn . I even wrote a blog post about it.

The unlearning for me on creativity was understanding that it was not just about having an innate ability but daring to try out new ideas & things .That unlearning journey is what pushed me to publish my first ever blog post.

Finding Purpose’ is an event or incident; Really hope I am able to explain this one as best as I can. We have all heard the motivational speakers, ‘Find your purpose’ they say like it’s one mythical thing that ‘special’ people find. And i would look at all those people are doing ‘big’ things- setting up companies,charities,flying to space,researching the Covid-19 vaccine etc. And think ‘So what purpose is little me adding to this world?’.

I have unlearned that purpose is just ONE thing to be fulfilled. Yes as a Christian my faith leads me to believe that the ultimate and purpose of my life is to bring glory to God and the salvation I have through Christ. I also that believe the process of learning, pruning, sanctification and growing are all elements that move us to fulfilling the purpose that I believe God has for every single human on this earth

My current Bible study is taking me through the life of King David before he became the king of Israel. He fulfilled purpose as a shepherd boy, as a musician,as a warrior & eventually as king. The process of becoming king was part of what he needed to be who God had called him to be. To the eye of the world a shepherd is not as great as a king. But a shepherds purpose is to lead the sheep & keep them safe. You can also draw similar parallels to what a king or leader does for his people. So regardless of whether or not he became King he was fulfilling purpose as a shepherd boy. His destiny was to be king but his purpose was being fulfilled whether he was herding sheep or leading men.

I have unlearned that purpose is something that we find or stumble into. That attitude enables postponing giving our best to what we have in front of us right now. Every stage and season of life will be different and one of the ways we ‘fulfil’ purpose is by doing what we can with what we currently have at our disposal.

For a lot of us unlearning is a lot more uncomfortable than learning. The ability to question our beliefs or assumptions about a things requires a deeper level of introspection. But I really do believe that the advantages from unlearning and seeking a new, more accurate, way of looking at things is as valuable as gaining new knowledge.

Like I said earlier,I truly believe learning is a life long endeavour. But I would also add that unlearning is a key part of growing and becoming who God has called us to be.

I would really love to read your comments on things that you are unlearning. I intentionally added the sun screen point as I do not think you only have to unlearn ‘deep’ or ‘philosophical’ beliefs. It could be as silly as the lyrics of a song you have always thought was right. This blog post can not contain ALL the lyrics of songs that I have had to unlearn. So please do share and let’s all unlearn together.

As usual, thank you so much for reading & have a lovely day ahead.

Much love

Oyindamola



Hello and long time no write .. I know!! It really has been a while! The last couple of months have been a bit of blur and even though i had things i could write about i just never could gather all those of thoughts down coherently. For me March 2020 felt like 365 days packed into 31 days and April,May & June all just blended into each other with no concept of when one month started or ended.

I know many of us especially those of us who are master planners ( proud club member here) had goals,plans in our ‘New decade New year ‘ journals. I am a journal collector & had bought all sort of pretty planners for various areas of my life raring  to start ticking them off ( I love a tick box LOL).

So imagine my discomfort and dismay when the whirlwind  that was 2020 started to unravel and show me that you can plan all you want but you really are not in control.

And that for me has been the gift of 2020. It sounds odd doesn’t it? How can a period where there has been so much loss, anxiety, uncertainty, pain and an invisible virus be a gift? At this point i would like to say i am never one to minimise pain,loss or suffering. I  have had periods of lament & very deep reflections in this period. I have felt dismayed,  bewildered, helpless and even sometimes angry. I mean, just think of the various situations that we have had to adapt & face up to;

• Learning how to be a year 3 maths teacher while being in a zillion conference calls at work
• Knowing people who lost loved ones & could not even attend their funerals
• Millions of people losing jobs all over the world
• Businesses collapsing or going into administration
• The glaring effects of economic inequality all over the world with people having to choose between feeding their children or getting ill
• The images from various parts of the world that highlight how far we still are from living in an equal & just world
• Moving social interaction to a virtual world (with a few christenings,birthday parties and quiz nights thrown in for good measure)
• And the most bizarre for me; MASKS becoming a fashion accessory!

Due to some of this & a host of other things,a lot of people have actually ‘cancelled’ 2020. And I will admit that I also have uttered ‘Phew,2020 can you calm down please’ or even ‘Lord just help us to get to 2021’ at certain points.

But upon a lot of reflection I  have come to the conclusion that like most things in life, there is always a glimmer of light even in the darkest situations. Just picture the twinkle of a star on a very dark night. Think of how dark it must be in a cocoon before a caterpillar turns into a butterfly.  This quote by Paul Coelho sums up why i think 2020 still has alot to give;

“You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is a different one, each day brings a miracle of its own. It’s just a matter of paying attention to this miracle“

Yes it appears that days are rolling into the other but as the quote above indicates, there are still miracles & ‘gifts’ in every single one of them. Maybe not in the way that we would have planned but they are there nonetheless. Here are a few of the ‘gifts’ that I have unwrapped in 2020;

The ‘gift’ of slowing down & presence with family–  Yes, there were days when it was a bit much. Home schooling has been an experience! And i miss having time to myself on my commute to work, out with friends or even an empty house when the children are in school. Despite all of these though, i have really appreciated the gift given to us all to just stop & breathe.We might not have chosen or planned for this but we will surely remember 2020 as that year where we spent more time with our family .It has made me realise that i can enjoy my children without being on the endless hamster wheel of activities. We literarily had NO days off. We are definitely cutting back on some extra curricular activities even after all of this is over. Making banana bread & cooking are also skills and you never know I could be raising the winner of Masterchef 2032.

The ‘gift’ of truly understanding needs vs wants – We all have those things that we thought we could not do without. For me it was things like getting my hair washed in the salon, having my eyebrows threaded, facials & manicures etc And yes i miss every single one of those things(my eyebrows are crying) but it did become obvious that those things though nice are not really as essential as i once thought them to be. The gift for me here is facing up to the reality that i can no longer take some of these things for granted. At a time when it has been a struggle for most people to even afford the basic necessities of life,it has reminded me to be even more grateful for all that i have & complain less when i do not seem to be getting what i want. Its given me perspective & made me realise that we really do not need as much as we think we do. I have realised that I can do without some of those ‘wants’ so I can meet the ‘needs’ of others.

The ‘gift’ of flexibility – Like i said earlier, i love planning & i am a massive creature of habit. I mean before the lock down, i could almost tell you what i would be eating, wearing or doing for the next four weeks. So believe me when i say I really struggled with the disruption to my routine. And that is where this gift comes in, i have had to learn how to be flexible in managing my expectations & setting priorities. Yes, I still have some sort of routine in place( cant cope without them), however i have learnt to embrace being flexible about how i achieve them. You should have seen my home school schedule on the 23rd of March. I am literally laughing out loud thinking about how unrealistic I was to think that an 8 yr old would act like home was school.

It has been a year of so many personal lessons & revelations and more importantly for me it has reminded me to do what i can, when i can as you can never know what the next day is going to bring. I looked back at some actions that i took last year and was glad that i did not postpone them. And there have been those where i procrastinated when i shouldn’t have and will now have to face the consequences due to things out of my own control. I will call this gift – JUST DO IT!

It has been a year that has allowed us to confront injustices and issues that have festered below the surface for years in ways that we previously have been unable to. I have had conversations in the last 4 weeks that I never could have predicted having in January. It is still early days and I am very cautious in my optimism, that said I am holding up faith & hope for lasting change and a more equitable future for our children.

“Today, our very survival depends on our ability to stay awake, to adjust to new ideas, to remain vigilant and to face the challenge of change”- Martin Luther King Jnr 

2020 has given us the gift of embracing change faster than we normally would.It has shown us how resilient we can be when we have no other choice. I mean most churches went from having physical church services to an online space in less than 7 days. For someone who works in the digital transformation & change space, i can tell you that is no mean feat especially for an institution that is not known for implementing fast paced change.

“Change is the law of life, and those who look only to the past and present are certain to miss the future” -John F. Kennedy

The one thought I would like to leave with you as we go into the next half of 2020 is to look out for those ‘gifts’ that it will bring even if they come in a wrapper that you least expect or recognise.

Don’t ‘cancel’ 2020 ! Lets give the next 6 months a chance you just might never know what you will unwrap.

Thank you so much for reading and have a lovely week and July ahead.

Much love,

Oyindamola

 

 

 

Hello everyone and hope you are keeping well despite the recent realities that face us wherever you are in the world. It might seem overwhelming but I firmly believe that it is a challenge that we can overcome by having the right mindset.

I am trying to approach this season by putting into practice the following virtues; Faith,wisdom & love.

Faith because as a person of faith, I have no other antidote to fear.And there surely has been enough to fear to go round in the last couple of weeks.Do not get me wrong,I am not one of those who glibly discountenance fear especially those of others.

I totally get why people are scared.Fear is actually wired into how we have evolved as a species. It is the emotion that is closely linked to the flight or fight reaction which is how our ancestors were able to respond to dangers in their environment.That said, living in a constant state of fear is counterintuitive to having faith .The very basis of living in faith is to believe in things not as they currently are.

Wisdom is the practical ability to use your knowledge to make good decisions.I want to emphasise two words here – knowledge & decisions. We have been drowning in knowledge.

The amount of WhatsApp broadcasts on your phone can attest to that! But how does the application of that knowledge really affect our decision making? I hear some people in Nigeria have actually over dosed on chloroquine based on the knowledge that it cures COVID19.

This just highlights that it’s not just about knowing.This definitely means that at no other point is it more crucial that we seek out wisdom that is profitable to direct.

This is so that we don’t make knee jerk decisions that would hurt us( or others) in the short & long term.

And lastly, Love. And the love I am emphasising here is; the love of others.

We live in such an individualistic age where we we have exalted the I/Me to dizzying levels.There is a lot of talk of; self love,self actualisation,self development,self esteem etc (pls feel free to add the other self(s) that come to mind)

I would never knock anyone seeking self development. If you follow this blog or know me you will know that I believe to improve society is to improve yourself.

I believe though that the motive behind improvement should mostly be geared to a collective and shared purpose.Not just on an individual basis but for the greater good.

The events of the last couple of weeks have shown us that individual prosperity means nothing if we don’t act collectively.

We have seen even the wealthiest nations of the world struggle to get their citizens to act for the greater good without enforcement. We have also seen the valiant and heroic efforts of some of the least paid members of society.

One of my interests and something I love reading about is how culture/values drive human behaviour .And one of the cultures that I am really intrigued with is the Japanese culture.This is not saying it is superior to any other culture but one thing they have been able to do successfully is to illustrate how values as a whole can contribute to both personal & collective behaviour that affects a whole society.

Please see below an excerpt from an essay about Japanese values and beliefs

(Article source – http://countrystudies.us/japan/)

No society can exist that tolerates significant antisocial behavior in the long term, but Japan is among the societies that most strongly rely on social rather than supernatural sanctions and emphasize the benefits of harmony.Japanese children learn from their earliest days that human fulfillment comes from close association with others.

Children learn early to recognize that they are part of an interdependent society, beginning in the family and later extending to larger groups such as neighborhood, school, community, and workplace.Dependence on others is a natural part of the human condition; it is viewed negatively only when the social obligations it creates are too onerous to fulfill.

In interpersonal relationships, most Japanese tend to avoid open competition and confrontation.Working with others requires self-control, but it carries the rewards of pride in contributing to the group, emotional security, and social identity.

Wa, the notion of harmony within a group, requires an attitude of cooperation and a recognition of social roles. If each individual in the group understands personal obligations and empathizes with the situations of others, then the group as a whole benefits. Success can come only if all put forth their best individual efforts.

Please note the behaviours noted in bold.It really made me ponder and reflect especially on how it seems most societies are more inclined to exalt individual achievement .I have never been to Japan(hope to some day it’s one of my bucket list destinations) but I have heard first hand accounts of how the values illustrated above actually translate into ‘how’ you experience the country.

My colleague went there on holiday and came back declaring he wanted to move there. They are still human and therefore will have their own imperfections. But their regard for others is truly an admirable trait and one that we could have more of in today’s world . This translates to the littlest things such as not leaving litter on the floor(google Japanese fans at the World Cup ).

Another specie (that we would consider the least) that I would love us learn from is- The Ant.

‘Ants work for and illustrate the consequence of public good.Each ant,is dedicated to the task it ought to do for the benefit of the others. The modern scientific narrative about the division of labour that characterises ant colonies tells essentially the same story: ants demonstrate that if everyone does the job they are supposed to do, indeed were born to do, all of us are better off.’- William Gould(paraphrased)

I would like us all to draw some parallels from the examples illustrated above on how we live our lives. There are questions and conclusions that we can all deduce from the above as we continuously shape our values especially those we pass to our children/next generation. And my sincere hope after all of this blows over is that we all begin to seek the WE over ME.

Thank you so much for reading and do take care of yourself. God bless you

Quotes/Picture credits- Pinterest

If you have been reading this blog for a while you probably would have gathered that I love books.. I am also really intrigued by habits and why humans do the things we do.It therefore stands to reason that a book about habits will be right up my street.

‘Atomic habits’ was our February read in a book club that I co-ordinate.Adding this book to our list for the year was quite intentional/strategic as it’s been on to my ‘to read’ list for ages. I get a weekly email newsletter from the author and the book is an international best seller that has sold over a million copies. The rave reviews,second to none! So yes, there was a lot of anticipation on my part. As I had been disappointed in the past by some critically acclaimed titles,I was really hoping this wouldn’t fall flat especially as I had also made over 50 people read it with me.

But wow did it live up to the hype! It was such an awesome read. I actually think it has earned a place on my ‘ Top 10 books’ (look out for that blog post later this year ). I finished it in a week and then went back to read slowly and highlight various parts of it. I am so glad that I bought myself a hard copy and it now occupies a vantage position on my book shelf and will be a book that I am sure I will keep going back to.

The principles explored in this book make it such a great learning resource.Habits are the bedrock of almost everything we do and the idea of having laws(like the laws of gravity) of habit change makes it something that everyone can relate to.

One of the biggest insights I gleaned from reading this book was that it reaffirmed something that I had always suspected;

Discipline is overrated

I know that sounds odd as motivational speakers have made ‘discpline’ such a buzz word these days. However quite unlike some books in the personal development/self help genre ,this book laid out real,concrete and actionable steps on how most people can start or drop habits. It lays down building blocks that highlights the idea that being disciplined is not just for a select or ‘special’ few. A paragraph from the book that really captured this for me was;

If you are having trouble changing your habits,the problem isn’t you. The problem is your system.Bad habits repeat themselves again & again not because you don’t want to change but because you have the wrong system for change. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.

Those last 2 lines- GOLD! I have found those statements to be so true both in my personal & professional life. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I don’t think ‘discipline’ comes naturally to me and I always chuckle when people say to me ‘you are so disciplined’ because I am able to do certain things. I really am not that disciplined.

One skill that I have been able to hone over the years is utilising the fact that I am a creature of routine (I think most of us are).Utilising this trait(which can be both a strength and weakness) is what allows me to do those things that I would ordinarily be unable to. I love setting goals,having a vision of what I want to achieve but because of my tendency to procrastinate the only way I can ever achieve anything is by making sure that there is a process/system that I incorporate into the things I do daily/regularly. I am sure some people at work have nicknamed me ‘Ms process’ but I really do believe the process is as important as the output.

‘Atomic Habits’ goes ahead to create a blue print for how anyone can set up a system to either create or stop good & bad habits.

The author divides them up into what he calls the 4 laws of behaviour change which are;

1. Make it obvious
2. Make it attractive
3. Make it easy
4. Make it satisfying

I like to implement ideas from books and and No 3 is the one that really speaks to my ‘easy way out’ self. Simplifying things really is one of the best ways to ensure that they get done.

As I said earlier( and to almost everyone I chatted to in Feb) I can’t recommend this book enough. It is quite a chunky book but also quite easy to read. It is the perfect guide for anyone who is looking to make adjustments in how they go about their daily activities. If you haven’t read it, I think you should! In fact I think everyone should!

‘Habits are the compound interest of self improvement. Getting 1 percent better everyday counts for a lot in the long run’

You really are what you do(or don’t do) daily!

If you have read the book I would really love to hear your thoughts in the comments. If you haven’t, I would love to hear if this review has made you curious enough to want to.

You can Buy the book on Amazon here

As always thank you so much for reading. Have a lovely Tuesday and week ahead.

Much love

Oyindamola

Photo credits- Amazon Kindle

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