Give Dignity

Hello everyone and compliments of the season. It really is beginning to feel a lot like Christmas (just a couple of days away).I have not been blogging consistently but it has been a hectic few months.I must also admit that i went into full procrastinating/perfectionist mode as I just kept waiting for something deep to write about. But nothing seemed to be perfect enough to warrant an article,

Until I read an article this weekend that really got me thinking.So instead of just pondering out loud on my Instagram stories ( if you follow me on Instagram you will know what I am talking about ) I thought to myself ‘Yay-Blog post!’

The blog is called life thru my lenses after all .

Its that time of year when a lot of people are extra generous or even remember the less privileged.I know a lot of people moan about how commercial Christmas has become (I am one of those people) and how it’s lost it’s meaning. Through it all though one thing that has endured is the GIVING spirit.People are very generous in spirit regardless of whether or not they view Christmas through the lens of faith.

So back to said article ,it asked a question I want anyone reading this to also challenge themselves with;

What is your instinctive reaction when you see someone in need and how do you respond to them?

You know the homeless person in the street, the children in the orphanage,the woman who approached you for some money to buy her babies nappies on the street corner etc.

A further challenge was what is your mindset towards the recipient of your gift?

Poverty and need manifests in different forms. So I had to challenge myself to think of who and how I think of those I term as in need.It also made me pause and think about how i position myself when I give to others.

Is the default position how it makes me feel about myself or the fact that i am the channel through which God is meeting the need of another human being?

It’s important to remember when we serve and give to others that we allow them retain their dignity and honour. It’s not just about sending groceries, clothes,toys or a plate of hot food .It’s also equally valuable if we do it with love and compassion.

We should desire to accord those who might seem less privileged than us the same respect that we would want to be accorded.

Practically,here are few ways that I think we can give while maintaining the dignity of the person/people we are giving to;

1.Don’t just drop the gift and leave

Say ‘hello and how are you’ smile,nod anything no matter how small to acknowledge the humanity of the person you are giving to.This is especially when we give to the homeless.I know I have been guilty of this. I set out to give to the homeless in the winter but subconsciously hoped that the people I would give to would be asleep so I wouldn’t have to talk to them .This is strangely at odds with my belief that all human beings are created in the image of God. Yes life happens to people (sometimes self inflicted) but it does not mean that their value diminishes. Yes it might seem daunting especially if they look dirty or rough. And if I am being realistic,yes sometimes it could be dangerous.It is wise not to put yourself in dangerous situations but my challenge here is to challenge our bias that assumes every homeless person is dangerous,an addict or did something that means they deserve to be in that position.

2. Give a thoughtful gift

In simple terms give a gift that you would like to receive. I think there is something to be said about the thought behind a gift that should not take precedence over the value of it. We all love to recieve a ‘nice’ thoughtful’ things. While I know ‘nice things’ is relative concept but nothing speaks more to valuing the dignity of a person than the thought you put into picking out a gift for them. I think about how much thought I put into buying a gift for people I look up to. You know the ‘person who has everything?’ Well maybe I could direct some of that energy into getting a gift for those who have nothing.

3.If giving as part of an organised charity drive,individually etc practising discretion with how this is broadcast especially on social media

I say this knowing that I might have been guilty of this in the past.I know sometimes publicity is required to raise funding especially if you are trying to get others to give as well.And a lot of charities/charity drives use pictures to prove to donors that the funds have been spent judiciously. But I am beginning to think we can be a bit more sensitive with how we do this and not go down the slippery slope of poverty porn.I live in the UK and privacy laws are a big thing.Most people take offence when their pictures are spread all over the internet without their permission. If it’s seen as a breach of privacy in any other context,why can’t the same be applied to publicising charity acts. Maybe we can also ask reciepients of our generosity the following?

a) permission to take their picture

b) permission to use their pictures on social media,media platforms etc

And if even they do give us permission for the above maybe we can challenge ourselves on the motives for why we think this has to be publicised.

If the motives for publicity are the right one (which they can be as previously noted)I still think there needs to be some sort of sensitivity that allows recipients of charity to retain their dignity.

Again just pause and imagine how we would feel if we were in that position. How would you want to be treated?

I know I have repeated the word dignity a lot in this post .But the core thrust of my message is treating others how we would want to be treated. It is one of the core values that I try to hold myself to.So I am challenging myself and ask you to join me in giving the gift of dignity this season.

This is most likely my last post of the year,so wanted to use this opportunity to thank your for reading this blog. Flexing my writing muscle was a goal for me in 2019 .All of your encouragement and kind words has made it a really pleasant journey.I am very grateful and appreciative of the love.

Thank you

Here’s wishing you a very merry Christmas and a prosperous 2020.

Much love

Oyindamola

Quote Picture credits:

Youversion Bible App

More actions,less words

I am sure we have all at one point heard or said the phrase actions speak louder than words.

A lot of times it is said when trying to tell someone off(often our nearest & dearest) when they have failed to do something they promised to do. I know because I say it to my children A LOT!

It got me thinking about how easy it is to point out this failing in others but how much harder it is to recognise in ourselves.

I believe most people have a core value and belief system which is the lens through which they view and live life.

This is even more amplified in today’s tech age as we now have a wide variety of ways to actually tell others what we believe. Facebook posts,Instagram stories,X,WhatsApp status etc!

Everywhere you turn in the online space,you are telling and being told beliefs and values.

Faith, health,fitness, veganism,environmental issues,social justice, politics etc. You can’t escape being told what others believe.

I know a lot people say don’t believe what you see on social media and I would be naive to think that you should.

But fully accurate or not,you can sort of deduce a persons interests or value systems from what they post or talk about on their social media feeds.

Leaving the online space, we are also being told what others believe everywhere we turn.Companies are now putting a lot of effort into identifying with a certain set of values. Almost every organisation now wants to be seen as diverse & inclusive.

Countries and cities are telling us what they want to be known for. A lot of money and effort is going into being seen as a green country .

Sadiq Khan(mayor of London) always says something about multicultural London in every interview I have ever watched.

This says this is important and that it is perceived as such (we know not everyone likes this !)

Even in our TV day to day conversations,we hear glimpses of what people believe are core to who they are.

A lot is being said!A lot!

The other week, I was looking and trying to edit my social media feeds and it got me looking through a lot of my old posts. I found the picture below that I posted sometime last year. The words really stayed with me and really made me reflect on what it means to live your values.

Beliefs,values,moral convictions are just the starting point. The end point and ultimately the most important point for me, are the things we actually DO as a result of these beliefs.

Our ACTIONS matter.

The bible tells me that faith without works is dead! And the bible is basically a book of faith!

So if a book of faith tells us that we need to actually DO, it tells me that the actions we take ultimately illustrate and reflect the values and beliefs we go about telling people that we have.

If you have been following this blog for a while ,you probably know that I tend to start my reflections with myself.

So I looked at my social media feed,I looked at a lot of the things I proclaim I believe and actually tell others about and started squaring them to my daily actions.

And no, it wasn’t really as balanced as my talkative self portrays.

For the sake of practicality(I know people can’t really relate to vague anecdotes) I will share one thing that I am taking conscious action on.

I am very passionate about social mobility & equality of opportunity especially for children of the less privileged. I strongly believe all children deserve a decent education. To be clear I don’t mean all children must go to university but I will not bore you with details of my thoughts on how this can be achieved (maybe another blog for another day).

I believe this should be regardless of who their parents are and where they were born. I talk about it a lot and if you on go on my social media feeds you will probably have seen a number of posts/stories on this.

I say and believe this will all my heart but I now realise there are areas of my life that are not fully in line with what I say I believe.

I buy cheap fashion.If we are being honest with ourselves we know more often than not child labour is involved in cheap fashion.

A lot of the brands who do cheap fashion swear that they are all ethically sourced and the people who make them are paid a living wage bla bla but deep down we know this is highly unlikely for the prices they are sold at.

There is a strong possibility that some of these items are made by children.

Children that I say should be also given the same chances that my children have. Children who are probably working when they should be in school.

And no I don’t buy the argument that children working rather than being in school teaches entrepreneurial skills. In a lot of developing countries we all know it is a means of survival.

I know it’s such a multi dimensional issue and lil me not buying cheap fashion won’t stop cheap fashion. It won’t also mean that all the children working in the factories will automatically start going to school.

But I cannot really say that those are my convictions if I am not willing to consider NOT spending my money to fuel what I say is one of my deepest held convictions.

And yes that includes probably paying more and paying attention to the things that I buy. Making sure that my own direct actions are not fuelling what I say I am against.

This is just one example in a whole range of issues and there are many more areas where I could take more action.No matter how little.

A lot of times we get bogged down by how little the impact of our actions would be that we take NO action AT ALL.

This year has taught me that is just a cop out and an excuse. Nothing is too little.

The mustard seed analogy comes to mind here. My beliefs,values must be reflected in the things i do, decisions and choices I make,how I live,what I spend my money on and how I interact with others.

So for me as we round up another year,a question I will keep asking myself when I talk about anything(and believe me i am always ranting about something) is; ‘So Oyinda, what are you going to do about this right where you are?’

I hope we can also ask ourselves the same questions when thinking about what we say we believe! Imagine what the impact would be if we had more people living what they say they believe rather than the ‘perception’ of it.

As always thank you so much for reading and have a lovely Tuesday and week ahead!

Much love,

Oyindamola

Photo credits- Pinterest

Love – yourself and others

‘Self love’ is something that is preached and a semblance of the message is found everywhere you turn.

On social media, tv adverts,billboards the message is clear;

YOU matter,

YOU come first

Everything or something is about YOU

There is a lot to be said about loving oneself and thinking about yourself in a healthy manner. There are a lot of issues that can arise from having low self esteem and I strongly believe that the ability to love others comes from having a healthy love of yourself.

However like most things in life this message is one to be applied with moderation.

My worldview /values have been formed through the lens of my faith. This lens means loving God and loving my neighbour as myself are paramount in how I live my life.

Contrary to some of the one sided ‘love your self’ messages that we are inundated with today, self love is not self absorption.

It is not;

selfishness

self indulgence

self aggrandisement

One of my favourite bible passages,1 Corinthians 13 forms the lens through which I view Love;

Love is patient and kind.

It is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way.

It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

It never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

This template can be turned both inward and outward as a basis for how we love ourselves and others.

Are you patient & kind with yourself?

I find that self compassion precedes extending compassion to others. Cambridge compassion and mindfulness psychology states that – ‘Seeking pleasure to avoid suffering is a false remedy that silently builds suffering, while diminishing our tolerance to it. Indulgence can never be self–compassion because its primary motive is to avoid suffering. Conversely, the purpose of self–compassion is to acknowledge, weather, and learn from suffering.’

I know ‘suffering’ is not a palatable thought,however suffering in this context refers to the ability to build emotional resilience. Notice how parents who have had to deal with a baby who cried a lot often are the ones to reassure someone else who is going through the same.They can fully understand and empathise with the situation as they probably had to ‘suffer’ the same in the past.

Are you jealous,boastful and rude to others? It is not as easy to be jealous,boastful or rude to yourself so in this instance,it is worth applying the golden rule -Do unto others as you would want done to you.How do you feel when other people exhibit these behaviours to you? A recognition of discomfort often arouses a predisposition to not reciprocate said behaviours.

Demanding your own way all the time points to an inflexible attitude to life is.I believe one of the biggest issues we have in the world today is the inability to view issues from another viewpoint. If only we could step out of our own assumptions,biases and pre suppositions.

It is really amazing how much we can learn by this simple act.

Truth and justice are often seen as antithetical to love

One of the best ways to love yourself is to face up to your own truths.

‘The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves. We live in denial of what we do, even what we think. We do this because we’re afraid.We fear we will not find love,and when we find it we fear we’ll lose it. We fear that if we don’t have love we will be unhappy. ‘- Richard Bach

If we are able to speak truth to ourselves, we can speak truth in love to others. This also often translates to a love of justice. The ability to speak truth to power is one of the core tenets of one who loves justice. As Mark Konrad states’ If you keep silent about injustice,you are giving consent to it’.

The last characteristic of love stated in 1 Cor 13 – Never giving up definitely goes against the grain of todays ‘cancel’ culture. ‘

‘Cancel culture’ simply means cutting people off after an offence has occurred. While I totally agree that’s there are toxic people who are best loved from far, cancel culture means that we now give up on people too easily.

It is evident in friendships, work relationships,marriages, familial relationships etc.

I can’t count how many times I have been puzzled at the incidents that actually cause life long rifts between friends,family etc.

It is virtually impossible to go through life without having conflicts especially with those who are closest to us.

Never giving up in love means that conflicts don’t always need to end relationships.

Can we begin extend a bit more grace to each other? So maybe practise the pause and give another chance before blocking or deleting that number?

As always,thank you so much for reading what is essentially my thoughts all poured out on a page. Have a lovely Tuesday and week ahead.

Much love,

Oyindamola

Photo credit- Pinterest

Know to apply

More than any other time in History,we live in an era of knowledge & information.If you are reading this from a square object,somewhere in South Africa imagine explaining to someone in 1950 that you are reading something not off a piece of paper but written a few hours ago by someone in the UK. I am not that old(I find myself saying this a lot these days) but I can vividly remember in the not so distant past queuing up outside a phone booth to make calls to the United States. Today I can make that same call with just a tap at any time of the day from anywhere on the world lying in my bed.

If you know me or even follow me on social media you would have gathered that I am a knowledge/information junkie. I am very inquisitive and one of the things that really sets me alight is learning something that I did not know. As a child, my mum used to jokingly me call eke ibidun ( Yoruba word for a busy body ) as i always wanted to know things that were far above my pay and age grade.

I think there is a sub conscious part of me that just likes to know something about everything .I have to do a lot of work on myself to make sure that there is a balance between learning for the sake of growing and the natural fleshy desire to want to appear ‘knowledgeable’. There is a difference but that’s an entirely different topic for another blog post/day.

Yesterday, I discovered a new short cut on a Microsoft office programme and you should have seen how excited I was about.I don’t know how many Intermediate E- learning courses I have gone through and it never stuck but a quick google search where I followed a step by step guide and applied the knowledge as i went along . What also stuck in my mind was that it created the value that i needed it to right when I needed it far more than all those excruciatingly painful e-courses.( not that e courses don’t also have their place). The key thing for me here was the application of the knowledge gained.

This got me thinking about the many mediums that we have access to and sometimes invest in to gain knowledge today .Books,podcasts,e- learning courses,coaching programmes,mentoring schemes workshops,seminars,conferences,networking events etc. I was discussing with a friend recently and we spoke about how the whole conference, speaking etc circuit has exploded in the last couple of years. If I wanted to attend some sort of personal development event every weekend till the end of the year,it was possible as there is always one event being organised by someone about something that interests me in London. You only need to look on Eventbrite. Multiply that number with all of the major cities in the world and what you get is a massive amount of events.

There are literally thousands of these resources out there in almost any area of interest that you can think of.Thousands. And as I tend to do a self reflection in matters like these I asked myself ;’ Oyinda how much of the knowledge that you consume do you actually apply?’ I listen to no less than 8 or 10 podcasts a week, read about 24 books this year and have attended a fair share of personal development courses/events this year already. This is not to brag or anything but just an assessment of what i can say i have ‘learnt’ in comparison to what i have actually ‘done’.

Of course I know that it’s almost impossible to apply every piece of knowledge that you acquire in the literal sense of it .I don’t think I have ever needed to dissect a frog in all my life even though it was one of our first introductions to science in Junior secondary school. I also do apply quite a number of things i learn to various aspects of my life. I must also state that i absolutely think that being a life long learner is the only way to grow and evolve.

However that introspection lead to me thinking about the huge number of learning resources i have devoured this year and the percentage of what i had actually implemented or applied paled in comparison.So while i agree that is impossible to apply all you know, i do think there is something to be said for having some structure to how you acquire knowledge and applying what you have learnt.

I can’t remember where and who by but I came across this saying and it really resonated with me in relation to this topic;

Information is not knowledge, and knowledge is not wisdom

This means that it is possible to have all the information readily available to you and still not have the required knowledge. Going even further it recognises that knowledge without wisdom is not really profitable.Like most things in life there has to be the decision to go for what is essential and this is where wisdom plays a very important part.Is it wise for me to be enrolled on so many e learning courses at the same time while not even applying what i have learnt? Or is it wiser for me enrol for one, apply the knowledge gained, practise and hone that particular skill before moving to the next one?

I listened to a podcast talked about how to maximise the most of mentoring relationships and it asked a really pertinent question; Why do you need a mentor? What do you hope to learn? What is the skill gap or knowledge you hope to gain from the mentoring relationship ? e.g. I want to get better at creative writing so i look for someone who has written a novel to mentor me and gain insight on how to be a better writer.Or are you just getting a mentor because a) it’s the ‘IN’ thing for everyone b) they are popular and cool and c) saying this person is ‘ my mentor’ gives me a certain credibility

Are you reading books like of ‘Art of War’ when you have not even decided if or what war you are fighting? Do you really need to read 10 books for knowledge on personal finance and budgeting? Or is it wiser to actually just apply some of the knowledge gained from the first book by maybe starting with just the basics of having a budget at all in the first place?

Are you attending every career conference/workshop/networking event without some sort of understanding of what sort of career you want? Have you even applied or tried some of the points you took down from the first 3 conferences you attended? Were you even sure about what you hoped to gain or did you just see it as an opportunity to ‘network’?

Are you following and reading every fitness article, gotten 3 personal trainers and 7 nutrition coaches in the last 3 years? Are you even clear about the reason why you need to live a healthy lifestyle? Did you consistently apply the knowledge you gained from the e-book and meal plan from you got from the 1st coach? Or did you automatically default to another coach who probably knows more?

The questions above are things that I pondered on as I scrolled through Instagram and the millions of images and captions that float across our consciousness daily.

Maybe we just need to apply more focus. I am a multi passionate person but maybe instead of wanting to learn it all at once, i could learn to truly sift through what knowledge is essential for this season. Like i have noted in previous blog post, maybe true knowledge is the ability to discern what needs to be known at each particular time and devoting oneself to it. Maybe we need to worry less about what we know and more about how we can use what we know to serve us and others. Don’t just seek for more knowledge ,Apply the knowledge you already have!

As usual thank you so much for reading and hope you have a lovely week ahead.

Much love,

Oyindamola

Photo credit: Pinterest

Author: Oyindamola Sosanya

Read more in 2020

Give Dignity

More actions,less words

Love – yourself and others

Know to apply