I cant remember what it was exactly. All I can remember is that I was very tired.It was early in the morning but I was already feeling knackered. Tiredness coupled with a million thoughts racing through my mind and the lift ( elevator for my US peeps) was about to shut. Lift shuts and I miss my train. I miss my train means an 30 mins extra to my journey which means I get to my meeting late. And there is nothing I hate more than going into a meeting in full flow mumbling ‘ sorry I am late’ ( black people always being late stereotype and all).

So when God answered my prayers with the lift door opening I just jumped in and mumbled ‘ Thank God’ under my breath. I was still trying to recover from my Usain Bolt like sprint when I heard a loud ‘ A thank you would have been nice’. Erm who & what is this individual on about? I looked back and a man who was clearly not amused was glaring at me. Oops it actually seemed like I was the who and what!

Apparently my miraculous door opening was from this man who saw me running and held the lift so I could get in.I was totally oblivious to this and was so wrapped up in my own thoughts and feelings that I did not even notice not talk of saying thank you. I was mortified to say the least as  ‘thank you’ and ‘please’ are regular staples in my vocabulary. I go out of my way to say thank you to people and even say thank you for things some might consider ‘ people just doing their jobs’. I apologised and thanked him after explaining that I had no idea and was just so into my own thoughts. He was probably thinking before my explanation ‘ wow she is so rude’ .Having a rough morning though was not an excuse to forget my manners however that one incident could have left that man with a bad impression about me and even gone on further to form a bias about people who look and sound like me.

A similar incident happened last week with a colleague telling me he saw me on the train and said hello and I totally ignored him. He was convinced I saw him and just did not want to say hi. Again, I honestly did not see or hear him. Again, wrapped up in my own thoughts .My morning commute is one of the few times in my day when I am not talking to people (both little and big people ) and so I use it as ‘me’ time. I am usually reading,reflecting or listening to a podcast and just always into myself. More generally just being a Londoner( we don’t talk on the train lol). I apologised again and thankfully this person kind of knows that I am usually not rude,so he accepted my apology.

While I really should pay more attention to people around me in the mornings(right?)it got me thinking about how quickly we often jump to conclusions about people based on one interaction.

I do tend to ‘side eye’ people and automatically go straight to an inherent character flaw when people act a certain way in certain situations. Don’t get me wrong I am not making excuses for bad manners as some people really do lack good manners.But as I reflected on these two incidents (and numerous others) it is clear to me that sometimes even ‘good people’ have their own less than perfect days.

Instead of always assuming the worst,we could pause and reassess the situation. Give the benefit of the doubt .I was also glad that they both confronted me about my ‘perceived’ rudeness .Both conversations were slightly uncomfortable for me but at least they gave me the opportunity to redeem myself .Which by the way,they were under no obligation to .I also accept that my reasons (or excuses) could be deemed invalid. But at least they gave me the opportunity.

A lot of times people would keep quiet,give a side eye and just automatically jump to ‘she has a problem with me’. Which ironically could have been the case for my colleague as we had differing opinions on an issue just a couple of days before.

The world is in a really cynical place at the moment and it is so easy to automatically assume the worst about people. We even judge people’s intelligence/character by 140 characters in a tweet(in some cases though this is true as it’s habitual and I can think of one individual as I type this).

Most of us are guilty of this but sometimes there could be an explanation for the perceived ‘slight’ or rude behaviour . And sometimes it really is even not about you. You never know what people are battling in their personal lives.

So my charge for us all this week (yes us cos I am the queen of side eye and eye rolling LOL) is to practise the pause. Don’t jump to the worst conclusion about that person’s character.If possible(as it’s not always possible) maybe do the less comfortable thing of pointing out the issue and you never know you just might be pleasantly surprised.

Thank you for reading and have a lovely Tuesday and week ahead.

With Love

Oyindamola

Quote picture credits- Pinterest

I used to think ‘creative’ people were a special breed. You know the painters, photographers,fashion designers, sculptors, musicians, painters, fiction writers, cake artists etc. Those people who spend most of their time creating something out of nothing.

The innovators of this world.

The people who things start with as an abstract concept which eventually materialises into something that you can either see, hear or touch.

I even remember thinking & saying to myself ‘I have no special talents’.

I used to have a deep admiration & awe (I still do) for those ‘special’ people who God has given these talents to.

I am totally useless at drawing, cant sew to save my life, even putting my daughters hair into a braid is something that I can’t do very well.

Due to all of the above reasons, I would laugh or balk at the idea that I could be described as a creative person.

One of the things I have learnt as I have grown both in age, knowledge and understanding is that creativity is not linear.

In simpler terms, being creative is not limited to those who work in the arts or those who are traditionally  termed ‘creatives’. You know the ‘arty farty’ types( very British expression LOL).

I want to you to pause for a moment and think up of a picture of a ‘creative’ in your minds eye. What came to mind? For most of us, it would be someone holding a paint brush in a paint splattered apron.

We tend to compartmentalise creativity as we get older. Children in early education are allowed to explore their creative side by spending most of their time painting, making sculptures with Play doh etc.

As we grow older, we begin to take more ‘serious’ subjects,  those things that enhance creativity are seen as ‘play’ or ‘less serious’ activities. You only need to draw so many dodgy stick men or trees while being able to memorise your times tables and you begin to assimilate  ‘well I cant draw so all that creative stuff is not for me’.

This is such a limited way to deal with the idea of creativity. The reality is that creativity is an essential part of living and is not just limited to the arts. As you navigate through life we can ALL look for creative ways to add value, make better or improve the things that are all around us. Creativity can have an impact on every thing that we do. And I mean that in a literal sense.

You can look for creative ways to incorporate exercise into your life if you are really time strapped.

You can be creative in planning your meals and money if you are on a tight budget and still want to eat healthy.

You can look for creative ways to make some mundane tasks at work slightly more enjoyable. Like the writer Jordan Raynor said, ‘ We were all called and created to create’.

I recently finished a book by Rod Judkins called ‘The Art of Creative Thinking’ and I will be sharing below some very interesting excerpts, quotes and thoughts from the book regarding creativity and how we can all be and are more creative than we think.

‘ A creative mindset can be applied to everything you do and enrich every aspect of your life. Creativity is not a switch that’s flicked on or off; its a way of seeing, engaging with and responding to the world around you. Try to develop an alternative way of thinking that can be applied to any challenge or project no matter how far out of your comfort zone’

‘ Talent is often confused with ‘innate ability’ but many people also confuse ‘talent’ with ‘skill’. A modern creative mind does not aim to display technical proficiency or mastery; it is more concerned with communicating ideas & concepts in whatever medium is available.’

‘ Not every person has the same kinds of talents, so you discover what’s yours and work with them’– Frank Gehry

These quotes confirmed what I have now learnt and refuted what I previously thought of myself, which is that I do have talents. And so do you.

They are not the same as those that others have and could be less but we all have talents.

It also tackles the idea of perfectionism which is one of the reasons I often hesitated to describe myself as creative.

‘You might not write well everyday, but you can always edit a bad page. You cant edit a blank page’– Jodi Picault

‘It is the job that is never started that takes the longest to finish’– JRR Tolkien

Simply put, you can never discover how good or bad you are at something that you have not started.

‘Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture,bridges,street signs, clouds,bodies of water,light and shadows’ – Jim Jarmusch

‘ The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all the world needs dreamers who DO.’- Sarah Ban Breathnach

‘ Whatever I know how to do, I’ve already done. Therefore I must always do what I do not know how to do’– Eduardo Chillida

Creating is in imagining and taking inspiration from what is all around us. The real value though is in actually setting out to DO the things that we dream about.

It is also closely linked to having a mindset that is open to always learning and being willing to fail while we are it it.

‘As well as seeing the value in things that are generally not valued, creative thinkers also see the value in people who aren’t valued. They try to tease out the value in everyone because they know no one has a monopoly in creativity’

And this is the conclusion for me;

Everyone can contribute and add some creativity to their own corner of the world. This will manifest in different ways. I am sure you have heard someone say something or someone somewhere was the motivation or inspiration for changing something.

I do hope that reading this blog has encouraged you in some way to think of yourself as being creative and in turn allow you to see how you can flex those creative muscles in some way this week.

Please do leave a comment and share with others.

Have a lovely week ahead

Much love

Oyindamola

Quotes Picture credit- Pinterest app

Book picture credit -Good reads app

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The last week was a really busy one!

Work,mummy duties,home duties,wife duties and various other commitments.

It felt like such a long time since I had a break despite the fact that I had a few days off work the week before due to half term.

And then on the streets of Instagram ,I kept stumbling on countless pictures of people living it up on vacations in various lovely and exotic locations. And then subconsciously I found myself feeling a bit bleh( bleh is slang for when you just feel not quite there)

I know people say ‘don’t compare your life with what you see online ‘ and I really do believe we shouldn’t .

Anyone who knows me knows would have heard me say it so many times.

My natural disposition is not to compare myself with others but being stuck in meetings all day compared to being on the beach on a lovely sunny summer day can make even the best of us envious 😅.

I know people don’t like to admit it but i believe we all get these thoughts.

The busyness and mundane aspects of everyday life can be overwhelming.

We find ourselves wishing away the time waiting for the next holiday, the weekend, the next party,our birthdays, the next spa appointment, when the kids are grown up etc

I eventually snapped out of that self indulgent state in my head.

Firstly because I realise that some of the things listed up there are not accessible to a huge portion of the worlds population.

Instagram (social media generally) makes us feel that vacations/experiences /living it up are things that we are all entitled to.

Key word here being entitled.

Before I am misunderstood here, I absolutely think vacations/experiences are great. Experiences are actually my thing and I think I spend more on experiences than on things.

I also think travel broadens the mind in such a distinct way. I think the memories you get from experiences stay with you and to me hold more value than anything that I could currently afford.

If a person has the means and time to see and travel the world ,I would always urge them to go for it.

My point was more along the lines of recognising the privilege of vacations/certain experiences even being remotely possible.

There are millions (dare say I even billions) of people for which it is the farthest thing as they are only just battling for survival.

For some people it’s not even physically possible.Even more extreme,some are just trying to keep themselves and their families from being killed as they are living in war/conflict torn areas.

‘You only live once’ YOLO is a commonly touted phrase that is only ever used in the heights of having fun e.g. At a party,on vacation,bungee jumping,at a spa or pamper session etc The inference being that life is only ever being lived or enjoyed when one is having fun.

What if we didn’t wait for the Big Bang occasions to find joy? I don’t believe in the happy clappy philosophy that everyday has to be a ‘happy’ one. Some days are not just not that great and that’s ok.

It’s impossible to live life on a constant ‘high’.

Life can be messy,hard,boring but I find that it is so much bearable if we go our of our way to look for the lil joys in the mundane.

Here are a few of the lil things(in no particular order) that I find bring me splashes of joy as I go through the mundane parts of life and these will differ for various people;

* Time studying the Bible

* When I get into my bed with freshly changed sheets

* My first sip of tea especially on a cold day

* A walk outside in nature

* Goofy conversations with my children

* Reading a really good book

* Listening & dancing to music (I listen to music everyday)

* Stumbling across something that makes me laugh very hard

This list is in no way exhaustive .I even recognise that some of the things on my list are still privileges which is why I am grateful that I have the space,time and ability to do them.

I also find that splashes of joy can manifest in so many unexpected ways. And sometimes not even from things that directly affect or happen to me.I find myself being happy when things happen to others and I see progress being made in areas that I am passionate about. A new law being signed, someone who looks like me accomplishing what would have otherwise been impossible , someone defeating an obstacle etc.Joy can also be found outside of ourselves

It is after all what we train our minds to see and how we approach what is in front of us. So my charge for us all as we go about this week, is to not delay our joy. It can be found in and amongst the not so enjoyable aspects of daily life.

As always thank you so much for reading. Please do share your thoughts and also please share this with your friends.

Have a lovely week ahead.

Much love

Oyindamola

Quote photo credit- Pinterest

You can’t escape the constant chorus of

‘The world is going to pieces’

‘ People are just not kind anymore’

‘This generation is just so shallow & fickle’

‘Values are not what they used to be ‘

And these are just a few of the sayings that I am also guilty of repeating. I am especially guilty of the ‘shallow & fickle’ one. Every time I get a WhatsApp reply with ‘k’ instead of ‘Ok’ (but really how hard is it to type the extra O ) my eye rolls are at epic proportions at how ‘lazy’ people are getting.And this is from the woman who always blesses the inventor of copy & paste. and uses LOL liberally (to be fair to me though laugh out loud is actually longer than Ok ) .It’s all convenience at the end of the day isn’t it.

Now I am not saying that some of these sayings are totally inaccurate and I do agree that there are loads of things in today’s world that are not that great.And it can overwhelming to think how can one can make a difference.That said ,there is ONE person/thing that we can actually influence/change and that is ourselves. US,ME,YOU.

Michael Jackson was not really a philosopher but the lyrics to his song ‘Man in the mirror’ sure did have a lot of truth to it. One of the ways we can change the world around us is by starting with person staring back at us in the mirror.

Who is the man/woman staring back at you from the mirror? Have you asked that person how they contribute to making the world better or worse? I find that we often ask of others what we might have not even asked of ourselves. For most of the things that we see as issues in the world today,there is an human element.

And let’s just try to imagine how the world would be if every human asked themselves how they affect the world around them. The truth is we often leave it to others. The government,the institutions,the police in short everyone else.We often see solutions as a collective issue. And yes there are a lot of issues that have to be solved as a collective,that’s how humans evolved and made so many advances ; our ability to collaborate to find solutions to the issues that face us all.

However on a micro and personal level how can we step up by making sure that all our individual actions are not part of what make up the problem in the first place?

For example ; do you complain about how dirty the streets are when you also throw your empty Sprite can out of your car window?

There are so many ways that we can challenge ourselves to do better. I know better is always subjective however there is a universal principle for measuring better that cuts across creed,beliefs etc. For me that core principle is ‘Treat others as you would want to be treated’

I love the quote above by Maya Angelou and have taken to hear this phrase; always confront yourself! And I love the part about understanding because sometimes we might have come to an understanding about an issue that others have not yet come to. We also have to realise that sometimes doing better requires courage which is often easier said than done. I can’t muster up the courage for someone else to do the right thing. But I can challenge myself to do the right thing even if I am afraid.This realisation allows you to give grace to others and look a little closer at yourself in the bigger picture.

The saying;’when you know better you do better’ is what I think of and often leads to me asking myself ,is if I can complain about it then I know better and so if I know better am I doing better?

You can’t complain about the world being less kind when you are not showing kindness. For every thing that we moan about in the world and in others,we need to confront ourselves with these questions ;

Is this really an ‘issue’ or is it perceived?

Am I adding or taking away from this issue if it is not just a perception?

If I am not taking it away how can I (operative word I) do something about it in my own way? If I can’t do anything about it on my own how can I try not to add to the problem?

Take my example of dirty streets or roads,of course the cleaning of road is up to authorities i.e local govt and not individuals. I cannot just pick up a broom and start sweeping the roads if it is not my job to do so but I can put whatever rubbish I generate in the bins. If I want to even go a step further,where there are no bins I can make the conscious effort to take the rubbish all the way home to make sure it’s disposed of properly. So I might not be responsible for cleaning the roads but I can play my part in not adding to the litter on the street.

My challenge to us all is as we go about our daily endeavours is to be the change we seek to see in the world. I know it’s such a cliche but sometimes cliche’s are actually accurate. If there is something that particularly bothers you before just moaning about it,confront yourself on how you can make this thing better in your own little way in your own little corner of the world.

As always I am so appreciative that you have taken the time to read this blog.Comments and shares are welcome

With lots of love

Oyindamola

Quotes picture credit -Pinterest

Brexit -Remain Or Leave

Liberal/Progressive left wing or Conservative Rightwing

Pro life or Pro choice

Feminist or Anti feminist

Millennial or Baby boomers

Christian or Atheist etc

There is so much for us to disagree on these days.And what makes it more interesting is that we no longer have to be in the same room to argue .We could be thousands of miles apart and have an argument with hundreds of people all at the same time.

Labels,sides,viewpoints, opinion,or whatever we choose to call them but now more than ever it seems we all have a side that we pick or agree with. There can’t be s middle ground.Even people who share similar world views eg People of the same faith have differing views on things like theology or doctrine.

We can’t run away from disagreements or conflict as they are an invariable part of life .Even my 7 year old son disagrees with me on the fact that I think spinach is a tasty vegetable.

This conflict is manifested in various ways.You posted a comment on a post on social media.Your opinion.Your take.And then you get that notification.Someone has felt the need to tell you that your comment is wrong .Or it could be the other way round and you see a comment that you feel you just have to ‘correct’.

Sometimes it’s a healthy exchange.And sometimes you see a long exchange of one person trying to make the other person see how their opinion is wrong.And then you get the worse case scenario -personal insults are hurled either by one party or both.

I know,you don’t comment on social media,it could be a comment at someone who is speaking on the television. I know I do that. Yeah i talk at the tv when I think someone is making absolutely no sense and these people tend to be politicians. It could be someone who is a public figure that you disagree with because of what they stand for .Or it could be someone who just told you they don’t believe in what is central to your values or identity. Disagreements or conflicts especially on differing beliefs tends to come into our lives through various ways.

We all have the urge and tendency to want to influence or persuade others to our ways of thinking or beliefs . It’s innate. And because our beliefs and values tend to shape the way we view the world,it’s also the easiest the way to put people into groups.And if that ‘group’ is not my group,then we can have nothing in common.

A lot of times this belief comes from a place of conviction.And I am always a fan of people who are full of conviction .After all it is said that if you don’t stand for something,you will fall for anything. But a lot of times, we don’t recognise that need in another person when it opposes what we believe.

If I believe what I believe so strongly then why can’t that other person believe what they also believe strongly? People will often reply that the other person’s view is based on lack of facts or evidence which is why they need to be educated. This could be true in some cases(a lot of times actually) but I find that arguing or calling each other names hardly is the best way to achieve that aim.

We have given a new meaning to tolerance. We believe tolerance means that we always have to agree with each other all of the time .If they don’t agree(or even in some cases approve ) with us then they are against us. The lines become blurred and we can’t separate the issue from the person.

As Rick Warren rightly put it (paraphrased)

‘Tolerance used to mean I may disagree with you completely but I will still treat you with respect. There’s a difference between tolerance and approval’

I don’t have to agree with you to treat you with respect. Tolerating your view does not need to mean that I approve of it. I could disapprove or disagree with your views but it does not need to mean that I should disrespect you .

And while I agree that some people’s beliefs are a direct threat to the rights of others, I believe those might need to be debated and acted upon in different circles or as a collective to bring about the change required e.g civil rights movement, the suffragettes fight for the vote etc

However on a personal level,I believe that one of the ways we can thrive together in this world is the ability to understand that other people will not always believe what we believe. And even as much we hope that people see our viewpoints,there will be a greater peace in interactions if we can separate the person from the viewpoint.Sometimes we can convince or bring people to see our point but the most effective way to do this is sometimes listen and try to understand why they believe what they believe. We also have to be comfortable with the fact that we can’t always change another’s persons views.After-all, most of us are products of our upbringing,experiences and environments. Besides the world be boring if we all think and view issues alike.

My faith plays a major part in shaping my world view and one thing it teaches me is that every human is created in the image of God. And so while I might disagree with all they stand for, they are still human. I might dislike them but I can’t withhold compassion for the human that they are. Wow is it hard, but it is what I aspire to.And I think it is what we need to aspire to in this very very divided world that we currently live in.

Conflict when handled correctly can be quite healthy but it ceases to be healthy when it begins to stray into combat. So this week, let’s pause at that point when we begin to feel disagreements turning combative.

It’s peace for the world but also peace for our souls and spaces.

Thank you for reading and hope you have s lovely week ahead.

With love

Oyindamola

Quotes-Pinterest